August 1, 2014 – Life Update
It’s been over 2 years that I wrote that dribble below and to say that I have changed is a massive understatement. I now do that annoying thing of refusing to divulge my age when asked. Of course, it’s because I’m concerned about what people will think of me when I tell them that I will be 32 this month. I am afraid – afraid that they will judge me based on my lack of material possessions and achievements. Afraid of what someone else will think of me even though I don’t value those things, I am still afraid and I am ashamed of myself.
I’m going to be 32 this month and according to the world, I’m not worth much. No children, no romantic relationship, no high-powered job – no mark on society. I’m just here taking up space. All those things by themselves are actually things that I’m quite proud of. I made the conscious decision to not have children, I’m very picky with men and I quit my job because I was unhappy and currently work for myself. I am content with those decisions for the most part, yet I struggle because of people’s expectations.
I have always been a very unusual girl, or as my best friend puts it – You are not a normal girl at all. I love that about me and it’s time that I stop being afraid of that.
So here’s a big fuck you to the people who will judge me because of what they think my life should look like. There’s only one Elo and she is awesome.
Awesome Elo is back baby 🙂
The signature line of my correspondence for business reads: HRD Professional, Freelance Creative & Professional Writer, Editor, English Instructor & Curriculum Developer. I also tack on the words, Blogger and Student for social media pages. Yet, those are just titles and give only a glimpse of what I do but not who I am.
Perhaps, you’ve guessed by now that I somewhat of an over-analyzer. If I had a dollar (as they say) for the many times that I have been accused of being stuck in my head, being cerebral or talking an argument to death – yup I’d be rich. Sigh* there’s no help for it, I’ve always been this way. In fact, I was the annoying kid; who was constantly asking questions; not to mention the “but why” to every statement (of course – I got a lot of “because I said so”).
My curiosity was so extreme, that as a child, the sure way of getting me into trouble was telling me explicitly that there was a “big bad” around the corner and I was not allowed to see it.
Thank goodness, I’ve outgrown my more dangerous curiosities – although I still go places that I’m warned against – lol.
I have grown into a single young woman of eclectic sensibilities living on the Caribbean island of Jamaica. I am currently pursuing a master’s degree but still struggling to find my right career path. A little over four years ago for the first time, I began to hear that ticking clock. The screaming one that yells “WAKE UP, time is passing you by, do something serious with your life”. It was right around that time that some of my friends were getting married and having babies. No one was more shocked than I that they were doing this ‘grand – life changing thing’. Big 30 has come and gone – but dammit I’m still young I have time.
*Sigh – Now that you know a bit about me, let me tell you a little bit about my blog. It is mostly centered around the ruminations of my life; my thoughts, opinions etc., all in pursuit of a cathartic expression of self.
These will be my thoughts on my life and the several pressures I have to go though each day as I struggle to realize even half of my potential.
I decided to write a blog not for anybody else but myself – most of the things that I will share here are going to be really private but something is compelling me to do this.
Finally – WARNING !!!
Read this blog at your own risk (especially if you know me) I will be holding nothing back – lol