My first real arousing kiss happened when I was 18 years old.
By this point, I was having discussions with friends about how far they had gone, and most admitted to only light petting and oral sex – of course, most were lying. To understand the dynamics of this, you should note that I attended an all-girls traditional high school, where Christian morals and decency were highly valued. We were all encouraged to wait until marriage to have sex and the good little girl that I was; I was in total agreement with these beliefs.
All that changed, on the night that I lost God. Ironically, I lost my religion on the night that I committed to it.
I was frightened into getting baptized by the Y2K end of the world doctrine. A church leader convinced me and a few other youths that he could prove that the world would end in the year 2000 and so we had to save our souls or be doomed to hell for all eternity. Yes, you guessed it, I was terrified. I think I even gave up reading explicit books for most of 1999.
Subsequently, I got baptized for the second time on December 31, 1999. I was in church ready for the coming of the lord and he didn’t show – Y2K came and went.
I can’t tell you how I felt, it was all a blur. All I remember was the spiritual terror and the awful feeling of not being allowed to grow up beyond that point. Then it all did not happen. God hadn’t shown up and I was relieved yet devastated.
All that wasted fear, for what? All that conviction from the church leader was wrong. January 1, 2000, marked the beginning of the end of my faith. I began to question everything.
Even at the age of 17, I felt bamboozled, made a fool of.
I would never again believe in something because someone told me to. I had to test everything. I had always been a curious child, yet as I was growing up, I out-grew my questioning nature and accepted the word of those in authority as gospel.
My skepticism was now a firm part of me.
To be continued … “A Coming-of-age Story: Part 3 – Exploring“