Warning* Light man-bashing and stereotypical single-too-long male generalisations ahead.
Tinder the land of swiping left and swiping right. Arguably, the epitome of our society’s descent into our obsession with appearances. I think people can be quite negative about Tinder but the truth is, our society has matured and with that comes the good and the bad.
We have amazing technology that allows us to view an image of the people close to us, who are available for dating. That is awesome in and of itself. Unfortunately, we then judge those people by just their appearance. Sure they have the little blurb under their picture but it’s definitely not enough to have a good grasp of that person’s personality.
So despite swiping right on men of various races, primarily in their 30s, the following is what I have found.
1. The Artist / Hipster
This is the guy who is involved in some kind of creative endeavour. Whether he’s doing well in his career or not, his first actions always seems to include him showing me his portfolio. Yes, he will whip out his phone to show me his creations – his pride and joy, and God forbid if I don’t make the obligatory oohs and aahs.
Major flaw – Is there anything more annoying than a narcissist artist? Being a 30 something artist takes guts and a lot of confidence. If they had managed a certain amount of success, they walk around with an unbelievable ego that means that they no longer relate to regular people and if they hadn’t achieved success, they walk around with a slightly deluded yet ultra-confident attitude. It’s weird man. I’m beginning to believe that people who love artists are either artists themselves or have known the person in question for a very long time.
2. The Divorced Dad
Like the artist/hipster, the divorced dad can’t wait to show you pictures – this time, of his children. Sure, they are cute but if you are like me, you want to get to know the man, not his kids. His kids are likely great. I mean seriously adorable little creatures that will make your womb twitch, but I must call foul play on this move.
Don’t show me the sweet photos of you playing with your kids or taking care of them. Oh lordy, it’s like catnip.
Major flaw – he’s really all about his kids. He’s rightfully very concerned with being a good father and often won’t have time for you. Not to mention ex-wife drama.
3. The Gym Fanatic
Oh man, yes I swiped right because of his abs but I don’t need to know exactly how he got each one. I don’t want to know how many times he goes to the gym or how much he misses it because he’s so busy, or worse hear all about his current meal plan. Ugh, not fun. Working out is great but do we have to talk about it so much. I really couldn’t care less.
Major flaw – how ironic that the main attractant turns out to be the deal-breaker. Those abs took work and he wanted me know about it – in great excruciating detail. Then because he spent so much time working, he seemed to have forgotten to read a damn book. Yup, all too often the gym rat is also an airhead.
Unfortunately, abs just can’t outweigh a stimulating conversation – at least for more than say, 1 or 2 dates, or maybe 10 dates – don’t judge me, abs are really nice.
4. The Workaholic
Sure, I admire the hell of this guy. He’s ambitious and a go-getter. I wish I was more like this guy to be honest but you know what they say about all work and no play. Well, it’s true – meet dull Larry.
Major flaw – It’s obvious but trying to get to know this man is a challenge. You basically have to memorize his schedule. Then if he has a major deadline, he pretty much drops off the face of the planet. *Sigh – too much work and I don’t even know if he’s worth it yet.
5. The Whiner
This guy is simply annoying. Everything is a problem, even problems that don’t relate to him at all. Trying to get to know this guy is like a Navy Seal obstacle course. He’s overly sensitive and opinionated – a combination that results in amazingly negative conversations. Talk about buzzkill.
Major flaw – Again, pretty self-explanatory, a simple observation leads to me on the receiving end of a tumultuous diatribe. Don’t even think about disagreeing because it will become an argument and forget about agreeing to disagree, it just doesn’t work for him. I say back away slowly and skip the headache.
6. The Sleazeball
This is the guy I was forewarned about. This is the guy who you think is on Tinder, he’s there for one thing only and he’s not afraid to tell you. He wants to hit it and quit it. Romance is dead and this guy reminds me of that. The moment he reveals himself, I feel like I encountered a slimy icky creature.
Major flaw – Even if you want only sex, you could still dress it up a bit – not with a lie but with, let’s call it ‘showmanship’. All I’m saying is, having dinner before the event is not too much to ask for.