“Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Ladies and gentlemen, tell me if this story sounds familiar.
You meet someone – these days more frequently than not, you meet people online – whether on dating apps or via social media. The pertinent factor here is that the person you meet is a potential romantic partner so you do the usual – you chat, look at all their pictures and mildly stalk them on all available social media channels.
Then you meet this person face-to-face and they always seem a little weird (at first), never quite like their picture or their personality is unexpected. Still, you stay and chat until it’s not so weird anymore.
As you continue to talk and become more comfortable – your attraction increases and you remember why you liked them in the first place. The mere-exposure effect starts to take hold – you forget that you originally thought their head was really misshapen and you forgive the ugly shirt and the fact that they talk way too fast. Essentially, you look past those minor details more and more as you enjoy your conversation.
You see no red flags so you jump in and all too soon – you become involved.
It’s a whirlwind, an intense passionate conflagration – until those minor details start to rear their ugly heads. Now familiarity starts to breed contempt as the more you get to know this person the more you begin to find fault with them.
The honeymoon is over but this is where real relationships begin.
Time for the delicate balance and weighing of pros and cons – nobody’s perfect, so you must decide – can I live with these minor negative details and most importantly are they minor details or deal-breakers?
Physical imperfections are minor (unless you are shallow), it’s the personality clashes that are a big deal.
Remember, trying to change someone is never a good idea if you want to be with someone you must take the time to properly assess the individual – hell, make a pros and cons list if you have to.
Too often we get carried away and go with the flood – into perpetuity – never bothering to stop and ask ourselves those nagging questions.
Food for thought
How many times have you broken up with someone because of something that was evident in the very beginning?
Red flags don’t just appear, they are always there and it’s up to us to take note.