Sometimes you come across as aloof and pretentious
My bff said that to me this morning – talk about ouch. O.K. let me give a little context. We were debating what makes a woman appealing after I admitted that I was afraid of what my natural hair would look like since I hadn’t seen it in nearly 20 years – well that’s how the conversation started anyway.
First let me say that having a guy as a bff is pretty awesome – he tells me like it is without fear of hurting my feelings – clearly, as per opening statement – and he also provides me with keen insights into the male mind. He has also long been a strong advocater of natural black women.
After I completed my spiel, as written about in my early post found here. He went on to tell me that nothing is sexier to him than a real woman in her natural state – maybe having a little pouch stomach, minimal or no make-up, meat on her bones and no weave. He also said that most of the men he knew are also very much into real women.
Hold the phone – I’m a real woman – right!?
The conversation then went on as follows;
Unlike electrons flowing in a battery, we humans are attracted to like rather than opposites.
In essence, the conclusion was that I keep dating superficial men, so that’s why I am uncomfortable in my natural state. I took a moment to think about that – surely he wasn’t right.
Yet come to think of it – I do date a lot of musclebound men – don’t judge me, I just like muscles. I mean I have dated some not so in shape guys – right? Nope – not really, I have tried them on but never gone beyond kissing. Crap – does that mean that I’m superficial too?
Apparently so – and because I date men who are all about their bodies I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to look a certain way – coiffed and made-up. Even in the way I speak – at any given moment I can sound American or British (I’m Jamaican, born and raised) especially when meeting new people, so I guess that’s where the aloof and pretentious impression comes from. Honestly, I’m not trying to give off a certain impression – I’m just a parrot and accents are fun. Most of the time, I don’t even realise I’m doing it.
As a skinny girl with big breasts, I know what it’s like to be objectified because of my appearance and I spend a lot of time downplaying the boobs these days. However, when I think about all my relationships, there have been with some pretty vain dandies – always working out, not for themselves but instead focused on how they look to others.
This is beyond distressing – I have tried very hard to not have a type and focus instead on intellect – so no matter how musclebound the guy is, if there are no working brain cells there – I don’t go there. Yet the fact remains that these men are only on my radar because of their bodies.
I don’t want to be that person and I don’t want to be involved with vain superficial men but what’s a girl to do when she likes muscles?
If anybody has the answer, I would love to hear it.