Last year I bemoaned the fact that Valentine’s Day was happening on a Friday, this year it’s even worse – it’s on a bloody Saturday (duh). How fucking perfect.
I’m not quite hankering for a relationship – fine maybe a tiny bit – but that’s not the main reason for my woes. It’s just that Valentine’s Day reminds me that I have been single for a long time – fine – too long. Oh and I love chocolate and flowers – I can’t fight the girly ness any longer – lol.
What a day sucks. It’s clear that people are generally afraid of this most auspicious occasion. If you are in a relationship, there’s pressure to mark the day with some meaningful gesture and for us single people – we are pitied and generally a little sad. Especially the older we get. Last year I went out with a girlfriend and had a grand old-time. This year I’m a little ways away from said girlfriend and I am not really in the mood to go out anyway. I’ll pretty much be hiding from any and all interested parties tomorrow night.
The damn thing has given me an uncomfortable and vulnerable feeling and even manifested into the weirdest dream last night. It basically consisted of me applying layer upon layer of make-up and using all the concealing makeup techniques that I know – trying to be as humanly perfect looking as I can make myself. I know what my dream was about – it’s about trying to cover up or hide from my feelings and maybe a bit about trying to be beautiful enough to ensnare a partner. Fuck – I’m not this whiny person, I am good on my own – love my own company, relationships scare me and most men are simply not worth the trouble – but I guess a part of me yearns for a little romance every now and again. God-damn human condition – gonna drown myself in chocolate and wine – sounds like an awesome plan 🙂