I love sharing my blog. I don’t get to share my writing very often and I get encumbered by the daily pursuit of making money that sometimes I can’t even find time to write. Therefore, I am exceedingly proud of every tiny scrap of discourse that I am able to wrangle from my consciousness and post on my corner of the internet – but alas now I have a new problem. I have shared my secret shame, I have acknowledged my disorder and now I am hesitant to share my blog with anyone new to my life.
I use to love to tell potential love interests about my blog and invite them to get some insight into my personality by reading through my posts. I use this as a small test to gauge their interest – whether they want to get to know me or you know, just in it for sex. I mean if you won’t even take the time to read my blog then surely you are not interested in me as an individual – my thoughts, feelings, etc.
Now BPD has a bad reputation, for instance, there is this new show called “Stalker” with the fabulous Maggie Q but they spout psychological diagnosis willy-nilly with no regard for accuracy or nuances of personalities and other contributing factors. So far, there have been at least 3 cases of stalkers who have been ascribed as suffers of BPD. I mean damn, these characters have committed some really outlandish acts, from trying to kill other people to organizing some down right machiavellian manoeuvres. Heck, I am almost impressed by them – if not for the far-reaching discrimination that the show will only help to heighten.
So that’s my problem – how do I get to know someone and have them get to know me with my disorder right there on the table from the word go?
I mean full disclosure is awesome but BPD can seem really scary so for the moment I am holding back and not sharing the blog with new people. If only doing so didn’t leave me with this unpleasant feeling.
What say you? Should I share my disorder with potential suitors. It’s a little ridiculous that I didn’t have this problem before – when I was hiding my diagnosis from everyone in my life *sigh.