I remember the movie “Runaway Bride” with Sandra Bullock, a story about this woman who had ditched several guys at the altar and this male reporter who goes to her town to cover the story. The one main thing I remember from that movie is the eggs thing. When the reporter asked her former fiancées how she – the runaway bride – liked her eggs, it was all different answers. Apparently, this woman would find out how her boyfriend liked his eggs and say that that’s how she liked her eggs too. She was trying to blend into her partners, reflecting her partner’s tastes, likes and dislikes. Turned out in the end, the woman didn’t have a clue how she really liked her eggs.
Ok, that’s an extreme case but so often we compromise our likes and dislikes for a partner in order to set ourselves up as a compatible mate. Of course, we all have qualities we look for in a partner and usually, we embody those qualities ourselves. In this way Psychologists say we generally use a ‘likes-attract’ rule to chose a partner.
Especially in the matter of physical attraction, we look for people who look similar to us and predominately of the same race. If you haven’t seen the video, below take a minute to watch it. It actually hurt my feelings, mainly because I’m a black woman and of the ‘opposites-attract’ persuasion; so race, color, creed, none of it matters to me.
Now, two people who are very similar are likely to have fewer arguments and are suppose to have an easier time in their relationship, in essence, deemed more compatible – or is it? The downside is that the similarities can make for dull or troubling times. Particularly, if you embody the same negative aspects as your partner. Imagine two people together who are bad with money, yea, not good.
Nevertheless, for the minority whom the ‘opposites-attract’ rule is actually true, it can be even more difficult to maintain a relationship if your differences are too polarizing. The hard and fast topics being religion, having children, money, etc. What you really want is someone with complementary differences – so if you love to eat but hate to cook, try to find someone who loves cooking – that’s the true meaning of compatible.
At the end of the day, attraction can be sustained based on the fundamental personalities of each person and whether you are willing and able to allow the other person to be different. The real problem arises when people try to change each other and mold their partners into carbon copies of themselves.
If you want someone like you, know that you are never going to be happy with an opposite. Never go into a relationship thinking you can change your partner. It doesn’t work like that.
For others who have partners who are opposites, they will tell you that it’s a bumpy, exciting journey – if you are open to the possibilities.
I don’t know about you but that sounds like fun to me.
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