I started blogging because words were bouncing around in my head, almost literally – think obsessive compulsive on crack. My inner monologue refuses to shut the hell up – kind of like JD from Scrubs – so I have come to this place for some kind of relief.
Since then, even with my numerous stops, starts and lengthy periods of inactivity – I always come back. It’s like writing in my journal, no matter how long I go without writing, there is always some event or impetuous that draws me back. This act meets some deep need within and what’s more, it calms me.
I expel the words from my body and it does wondrous things to my soul – a weight lifted.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don’t have many friends, even though I know a great number of people. There is a constructed wall around me, that very few have penetrated.
Added to that many people don’t get me, my interests are too vast and I don’t conform to the dictates of a hypocritical pseudo-Christian society.
Even worse, I challenge everything, I ask too many questions, even as a child, I would recognize the disdain in the eyes of some of my peers as I challenged my teachers to explain a concept until it made sense to me or damn it outright, as useless rhetoric.
I was never satisfied to sit on the sidelines and pretend comprehension. My thirst for understanding won me the favour of good teachers and the dislike of those who couldn’t defend their doctrines.
In these small ways, I have always been apart from those around me, a step beyond my years (I like to think) and so I write to explain myself.
To explain these things that seem to make me so different.
To be plain, while I love to debate, I have often surmised that the person to whom I’m speaking is incapable of a logical examination of his or her’s point of view and subsequently, my words will do no good. This means that I will disengage further discourse with said individual.
Blogging is therefore often my final attempt to impart my brand of reasoning, to discuss my opinions in as smooth a manner as the written word allows. To make up for instances when I was unable or unwilling to attempt to edify or enlighten others.
Do you know the instances when you are stuck in a hair salon or some other waiting venue and you are surrounded by people engaging in some form of debate or other?
This is painful for me, especially when the person with the wildly inaccurate views is triumphing over good reason. Oh, the champing at the bit that takes place within me, should I jump into these strangers’ conversation? It’s really 50/50, sometimes I intrude sometimes I don’t, but the conversation usually sticks with me for a while and I feel compelled to render my opinion on the subject, by blogging or writing in my journal.
All in all, I’m not blogging to sell anything or even to gain notoriety, even though getting readers is fun. It also makes me feel not so alone and suggests that maybe someone else identifies with what’s going on in my head.
So I guess, my blogging is pretty much a self-indulgent piece of crap but I couldn’t be happier about that 🙂