I’m Destined To Die Young

DeathIs there such a thing, no not the destined part but the idea that someone may be fated to die at a relatively young age. By the way my definition of young lasts until about 40/45 years old. I’m also not referring to people who are passive aggressively committing suicide, so no substance abuse users. I just believe that whether through fair means or foul, I probably won’t pass the age of 45.

I think this belief of mine started in high school with William Shakespeare and his romantic notion of death. I guess it didn’t help that I was also battling my first bout of suicide at the time. For that reason, Hamlet spoke to me in a manner that nothing else ever had before. I memorized each soliloquy and still know them to this day.

This soliloquy about death pretty much saved my life.

The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveler returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.

Like so many others, getting older terrifies me but not for the usual reasons. I don’t care about the aging of my physical appearance but for having endured years of insufferable human drudgery.

I mean who would want to live forever in this wasteland called life. Sure there are good moments, great moments actually but I still can’t wait until the end of it. I’m not suicidal only because the inevitability of death is a vocation that cannot be avoided and hence there is no need to hurry that which will be upon me before I know it.

Indeed, as shit as life can be at times, at least I have the use of my body and the hope of various ecstasies to behold. But imagine a frail old and often sick body – that’s the epitome of hell on earth for me. An old person is as vulnerable as a child and as annoying as I find them, I commend their ability to continue living in a slowly decaying shell, staying just one step ahead of the grim reaper while having one foot in the grave.

I can’t become that – I refuse to become that, so I’m destined to die young.

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