For anybody who has read my previous post – Single, Celibate and Loving it – you know my current stance on sex. I’m not having it, but it’s a new year and I have been single and celibate for a while so it’s probably time I get back out there. Hence, my “How to get a man?” posts, starting here with Question 1: To Reveal Or Not To Reveal 😉
Now being back on the dating scene will mean that my current celibacy will be put to the test. It’s one thing to be celibate when there’s no temptation but since I’m actively seeking said temptation – I should probably have a game plan. Will I be putting out? – hmmm let’s hear the case.
Question #2: Should I have sex?
Now I’m no virgin and I really enjoy sex but I don’t want just sex. I want a normal healthy adult relationship, but there’s a lot that has to happen before the commitment. Another of my old Jamaican adages apply here “nuh buy puss ina bag”. Which means don’t buy anything that is concealed and make sure to examine it first. In the same way, before making a commitment, make sure to analyse and ‘test out’ the potential mate – of course ‘test out’ refers to more than just sex. But we cannot pretend that sex isn’t a major issue in most relationships, so why take the leap unless one has made sure that one is sexually compatible to another.
OK – so I’m gonna have sex but here’s another dilemma – when should I do it? Seriously thinking about this makes me want to rethinking re-entering the dating arena and just resign myself to becoming an old lady with cats – men never have to think about this shit. The real problem is this – have sex too early and you’re a whore – wait too long and you’re a prude.
The lovely Steve Harvey suggested in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man that women should put men on probation – no sex for 3 months/90 days while getting to know a guy – lol. Most of the guys I know would die (probably literally) if they had to got 3 months without sex.
So here’s my suggestion – how about 1/2 that time – maybe 45 days – or 30 days – or …. Dammit
The point is that one should not just jump into bed with someone else, without spending some time getting to know that person. OK, so I guess I can’t put dates on it (the waiting period). I can’t say wait this long or that long. Instead, I believe that each person should make that decision for themselves.
When you make that decision – no one should change your mind but you AND ONLY if you believe that you have some kind of understanding of who this other person is. I believe that everyone deserves to be waited on. I am a prize to be earned and nothing worth having ever came easy.
In this I’m traditional and I believe that a man has to work to get my cookie 🙂
What are your thoughts on the issue? Do you agree or disagree? Please share.
- How to get a man? Question 1: To reveal or not to reveal? (awesomeelo.wordpress.com)