OK, so I’m single and I’m no spring chicken, nor am I over the hill. Crap this is going to be difficult without disclosing my age. Suffice it to say that I am currently at that age when I am rather uncomfortable about revealing it for fear of judgement 😦 We Jamaicans like to say “as long as your age is still on the almanac, then you are still young” Well I am happy to say that my age is still on the almanac/calendar (31 being the largest number), however it won’t be long until it falls off 😦
It is this quandary of getting older that brings me to our topic. You would think that getting older would have made me wiser by now, as I was often told as a child, but that hasn’t proved the case especially as it relates to matters of the heart. As a young adult, I really wasn’t concerned about what ‘men wanted’ – now I should qualify here that when I refer to men – I am in fact referring to the stable, well-adjusted, emotionally available adult specimen of the humanoid male gender. Believe me, this distinction is absolutely necessary as any single, dating woman will tell you – not because it looks like a man doesn’t mean that it is one.
Now let’s really get into the meat of the matter – I would like to dissect this rare specimen, analyse it, if you will – to try to gain some understanding of it, all in the hope of acquiring one of course. So for the foreseeable future – I shall propose questions and try to answer them – if possible.
Question #1 – To reveal or not to reveal?
Should I reveal some skin or keep it covered up? This is really just a similar version of the same old slut versus prude debate – isn’t it, because let’s face it, that’s what people think about revealing or concealing outfits. According to a friend of my mother’s “the mini skirt/shorts is a slut’s uniform”. Now the person who said that was old and conservative but does any of this still hold true in our generation? – particularly as it pertains to what attracts men. Are the right men attracted to you because of the amount of skin that you reveal or conceal and how much skin is too much skin?
When I was younger and experimenting 🙂 well let’s just say that I did the revealing thing. To put it in context, I’m a skinny girl with large breast (cup size G to be exact) so yea that was my favorite area to reveal. I never met a low-cut, plunging neckline shirt that I didn’t like and of course I got a lot of attention. However, not necessarily the kind of attention I wanted “I heard things like I screamed sex” maybe because the plunging neckline was usually accompanied by bare mid-drifts, really tight bottoms and sky scraper heels.
Now that I’m older *sigh – I am not interested in attracting attention – I would like to attract a proper member of the male gender, so I cover up a lot more. I thought I was doing really well too, until I wore a top that was a little too low and the adult males around me, forgot that I had a face and proceed to talk to my breast. Now don’t get me wrong I love my breast but is it too much to ask that men be attracted to me, not just my body; because honestly, I don’t know if these same men knew I existed until my tits were hanging out.
Growing up I often heard the quote;
“The heart cannot love what the eye does not admire”
I took this to mean – well we all did (both sexes actually) – that in order to be ‘lovable’ we had to be attractive or admirable to the eye. So yes – I dressed to attract men. However – again growing older and this is perhaps finally some evidence of that wisdom I was supposed to have gained; as I began to question – what message am I sending out with the way I dress? and who am I attracting? I remember asking my girlfriends “Do I have a sign on my forehead that said – all assholes welcomed?” This conversation taking place after yet another disastrously short relationship/hook-up. The very sad truth was that I did have a sign – my clothes. The way I dressed screamed sex so that’s what I attracted, men who wanted sex and if I’m being honest with myself that’s what I wanted too. Unfortunately for me, when I got what I wanted I wanted more, I wanted emotions and commitment and I had not taken the time to find out if the man I had attracted was capable of giving me those things.
Now after-all this, my final realization is simply – dress comfortably. Reveal as much as you comfortable with and that is appropriate to the setting, at the end of the day – it is up to the woman to analyse the man that she has attracted, whether he was attracted initially by her body, her smile or her intellect.
Today I dress for me – I dress sexy when I want to feel empowered and confident and if this attracts men, bring them on 🙂 I am (wise enough *fingers crossed) to weed out the assholes.
Finally, I wish this was the quote I heard growing up;
“To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.”
What are your thoughts on the issue? Do you agree or disagree? Please share.